There goes our baby

So it seems that ever since Mya was born I couldn't wait for her to do the next thing; to walk, to talk, to read, etc (first child syndrome, I suppose because I am the opposite with Kate) but today hit me like a ton of bricks as we walked to her first day of Kindergarten. Mya was completely fine and excited. I on the other hand almost lost it multiple times as we walked the walk to her new school. I wanted time to freeze.

This morning Mya was very excited to help pack her lunch. Mya wanted to bring a picture of her family in case she missed us and of course she had to bring Green Eggs and Ham to read to her teacher. Mya wore her tennis shoes so she could show her new friends how she can tie her shoes. She set a personal goal to be able to tie her own shoes before she started Kindergarten and she made it with a day to spare. 

Mya woke up ready to take on the world, I on the other hand felt my heart tug in every direction. I remember the days she clung to my leg as I dropped her off to pre-school. I remember the days when she would want nothing more than just to cuddle in my arms. I remember her first steps, and her first attempts towards independence, and many more firsts.

On our walk to school today she gently held my hand while periodically breaking free to explore things like the dew on the leaf and watch what she called the "sunset" from behind the clouds. "Isn't it beautiful Mom?" On our walk we talked about her new class. Mya looked up at me and said, "Mom, I think you are probably one of the best Moms a kid could have. I'm sure there are other great Moms but I'm glad I have you as my Mom." The lump in my throat deepened as I held back an abundance of tears as I told her I was also so glad to have her as my child because I think the same about her. In that moment my heart swelled with joy and pride.

We arrived to the front of the school, my legs felt heavy and I was holding back the wave of tears. I kept saying to myself, "Don't lose it here, wait until she's gone at least." Mya pranced up to the principal said hello then we walked to the school entrance. Mya was eager to go to her class. I asked her if she knew where to go and she said yes. We exchanged a hug and kiss and I let her go.

Off she went grinning from ear to ear.

As one can imagine I was a tearful wreck. I held it in as much as possible until I got inside my house. My baby is now a Kindergartener!!!

Oh the places she will go :)

News flash...Mya is in love!

No pictures for this entry. Just an observation. Mya's best friend is named Jay. They do everything at school together. The teachers all say they both have a very special relationship. They've talked about each other nonstop since the day they both met months ago. We've had play dates with Jay. Jay's mom and I have witnessed the love between the two firsthand. We are astonished by the intense connection they have. They bring out the best qualities in each other.

Jay is going to be a big brother again and he wants to name either his sister or brother "Mya."  Even if it's a boy Jay is determined to have his very own "Mya" in the household.

We've had many sad moments with Mya as she's begun to realize that she and Jay will not be going to the same Elementary school. They will re-unite once more in Middle School but these are the last months they have together until then. Mya has literally cried and cried over this realization. She's cried the kind of tears that break parents' hearts over her best buddy Jay. She's told us over an over how she leaves other kids out sometimes because she just loves Jay so much and only wants to play with him. Apparently the feeling is mutual because all Jay talks about is Mya.

This evening Mya asked me if I ever loved someone so much that I just wanted to squeeze them so much and so hard when I hugged them? I told her yes thinking that she was going to say something like "That's how I feel about you, Mom". I asked her who she felt that way about and her answer was "Jay." Mya then said, "I just love him so much sometimes I want to scream."  I was speechless and amazed.

I am so happy that she feels this deeply at age 5 (although sometimes it's just too much :)). Jay is one lucky kid to know my daughter!!! Although there will be many heartbreaks and love aches in the future, we can now officially say that Jay was her first love!

The Hoff House lately...

Kate turned 2 a few weeks ago! I can't believe my little Katie bug is 2! How did this happen? Kate makes us laugh on a daily basis. She loves to sing and dance and she enjoys the spotlight.
The same day Kate turned two Mya experienced what it felt like to break an arm. She broke it in two places being a monkey on the monkey bars at the park. She is doing great with it and is learning to do everything left handed. All of her school buddies signed her cast and drew cute pictures on it. She should get it off just in time for summer pool weather.

Here are a few pics of the kiddos

Leaf Mountain

Since my return we've been awfully busy raking leaves. For those of you who haven't seen our yard, it is smothered and covered with leaves. The whole family became involved and the result...Leaf Mountain!

Brian got some air time on this one. Impressive!

Kate not too thrilled with Leaf Mountain

Visit with Renee

Last week I took a leap of faith and left my family for six days to attend a conference in Colorado. After the conference ended I headed to Fort Collins to visit with my good friend Renee. I must say it was an amazing conference and an even better visit. I arrived home to find my children were happy and healthy (For the most part, Kate had suspected pink eye).

Here are some great pics of the visit.

Bat Girl Birthday party

Holy smokes, I have really been off the blogger for too long! I started this draft over a month ago and never finished. Here it is... finally!

Mya enjoyed her 5th birthday with all of her friends at Bounce U. We had a Batgirl themed party to include capes for the kiddos, lots of bouncing, cake and presents.

Now that the excitement has died down Mya continues to list all the things she will be doing now that she is five. Shoe tying, basketball, jump roping, riding bike without training wheels and reading have made the list.

On this day five years ago...

August 3, 2007, Mya graced us with her presence. She entered this world kicking and screaming and didn't stop until she was 16 weeks old. That day changed me forever.

A friend of mine asked me today how children changed me. It's hard to actually verbalize how much Mya means to me and what changed on that day but I will try my best to describe.

I remember feeling a sense of power I've never felt before. It was like I was transported into a "bad ass" mom. I became more assertive, confident, more protective and proud. At that point I knew I was capable of anything and didn't feel as much doubt in myself as I did before. Now someone else depended on me. It made me realize that I could be the mother I always wanted to be. This doesn't mean that I was this perfect supermom or anything. It just meant that "Yes, I could do this although it was going to be hard as hell sometimes." I recall feeling like I was initiated into a new club.

On the other hand, I have never worried so much about anyone before. I sometimes worried and still worry about the silliest things. I used to "just go with the flow" as they say, but now I couldn't really do anything stupid like binge drink or go out all night because Mya would be up at 5:30am and a hangover just wasn't worth it. My desire to sky dive was no longer present. My sleeping patterns changed. I swear I could hear her breathe in the other room. The slightest noise sent me on full alert and still does. (I do blame some of that hyper-arousal on colic,trauma induced).

Anxiety and sleepless nights made for a crabby Caroline at times. Pregnancy also caused me to be hypoglycemic. Now I eat constantly all day long to avoid any sugar lows or meltdowns. Ask Brian  what that is like. I'm sure he can describe in detail.

I recall staring at my baby for hours in awe of the miracle before me. Mya made me think about life, god, creation, nature, the universe and all that stuff.

There were days and nights I wanted the moment to last forever and of course there were other days I couldn't wait to experience the next stage of development.

Parenthood has also made me more emotional. I seem to get teary eyed more than ever before. For example, I cry when watching the Olympics. I cried today thinking of the past five years and all the memories. I've cried with my clients.

I remember Mya's first smile, her first tooth, her first steps, first words, her first everything. Just to bear witness was an honor.

I remember the huge adjustment Brian and I had to make as a couple (which was not easy).

I fill with pride when talking about my child and am so proud of her. I wonder what this little person will be when she grows up.

Mya taught me patience and more importantly how to deeply love another person. My heart melts just thinking about her.

That day five years ago changed me forever. I am beyond grateful to have been chosen to parent our little monkey. I am the luckiest!